


Kiss and Tell

by hereforthephilindafics



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs in a Car, F/M, Flashbacks, Gossip, Kiss and Tell, MCU Kink Bingo, Protective Behavior, Protectiveness, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:41:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthephilindafics/pseuds/hereforthephilindafics
Summary: Sometimes, it feels like Melinda May spends her life shutting down gossip about Phil Coulson.
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 16
Kudos: 95
Collections: MCU Kink Bingo Round 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the MCU Kink Bingo
> 
> Square Filled: Protective Behavior

Melinda heard giggles as she approached the gym.

“Did you see how tight his jeans were yesterday? His ass looked so yummy!”

“Girl, no one was looking at his ass cause’ we were all hypnotized by his dick print.”

“Ugh, I had a wet dream that he fucked me against that wall, and I kept screaming ‘Yes Director!’”

Melinda opened the gym’s door and let it slam against the stone wall. The three agents jumped and turned. They each had a different look of panic when they realized The Cavalry was standing in front of them. Melinda could hear them wondering how long their savings could keep them going for, because they would not be able to get another job within the intelligence community for sure.

“Agent May, we—”

Melinda raised her right eyebrow. The three agents stood at attention. She came back to the gym so late because she intended to re-arrange some of the machines for tomorrow’s training. She didn’t know the gym was headquarters for S.H.I.E.L.D after-hours, apparently.

“The only thing saving your asses from latrine duty is that I didn’t hear a name, therefor I don’t know who, or what, you were referring to.”

Melinda paused and stared all three down. They looked sweaty and it wasn’t from their workout. The one who had mentioned the word “director” kept biting her lower lip.

“That being said, this is no way to talk about anyone. Especially to coworkers about other coworkers and in small environments where anyone can overhear. Aren’t you supposed to be stealthy spies?”

Melinda knew none of them would dare talk back. They were all shifting from leg to leg. She decided to torture them for a while longer by just standing there, looking at them. It was so quiet she could hear Fitz-Simmons arguing in the lab. The heating pipes groaned and crackled. An alarm blared in the hangar but was silenced in the next second.

“Dismissed.”

The girls scrambled to gather their things and scurried away, not daring to look Melinda in the eye. She sighed as she stretched before she got to work.

She wished this was the first time she had had to chastise fellow agents for talking about Coulson, but that was far from reality. No matter if they were in the Academy, rookie agents, senior agents, or basically running the agency there was always someone gushing over how hot Phil Coulson was.

Melinda had nothing against a healthy sex drive and appreciation; they all had eyes after all. But she found it tasteless when she heard exchanges such as the earlier. It cheapened someone’s crush to just talk about it like it was nothing. They all deserved respect. Melinda huffed as she dragged the training mats to the corner and leaned them against the wall. She wished she had known how to deal with things like this when they were in the Academy.

At that time Coulson had been a dork, too nerdy for her, but not for majority of Communications. He was a hot dork, according to one of their classmates. Apparently, he could be prattling on about Captain America and there was always one girl who would be daydreaming about sucking his dick. Melinda smirked. She couldn’t blame them for that, but they didn’t know what she knew now. She chuckled to herself as she dragged the weights to the other corner of the room.

_Melinda was late for her class after doing tai-chi, so she tried to shower as quickly as possible. She paused when she heard a familiar voice on the other side of the shower curtain._

_“I’m telling you; his dick is **huge**! Long and thick, ugh! I don’t know how he hides it, but there’s a monster between those legs.”_

_Melinda caught her shampoo bottle before it fell on the shower floor, stopping it from alerting Stacy from Communications that there was someone in the stall across the bench outside. Her friend kept wheezing between giggles._

_“You’re making it up! Did Coulson pay you to say that so he can look like less of a dork?” Someone across the locker room asked._

_“No, girl! You gotta believe me. He’s hung!”_

_Melinda yanked the shower curtain to the side and just stood there, naked with her hair dripping down her back, her hands on her hips. Stacy’s eyes widened. A hush fell over the locker room. Someone said “whoops” and snorted._

_“You know, Stacy, you really shouldn’t kiss and tell,” Melinda said, wrapping a towel around her body._

_“I did more than kiss, Melinda.”_

_“Even worse then. Intimacy should be private.”_

_Stacy laughed, tossing her hair over her left shoulder. “You’re just jealous.”_

_Melinda dropped the boy shorts she was putting on and walked up to Stacy. She shrank in her seat. “I’m Coulson’s best friend. He is too nice to tell you off, but I have no problem with it. Don’t be trashy.”_

_Melinda walked back to her stuff but stopped halfway and turned to look at Stacy. “And he could have done so much better than you.”_

“Hey, why did I see three recruits almost in tears running down the hallway?” Daisy asked, standing at the door.

Melinda looked up after she made sure the weights were all secure. “Because I caught them talking about banging Coulson.”

Daisy’s eyes widened so much Melinda couldn’t help but smirk. “Do not, and I repeat! Do not ever say that sentence to me again!” She shuddered like a cute puppy.

Melinda stood and crossed her arms. “Come on, Daisy. You really won’t convince me you never heard anyone around here talk about how they would jump the Director’s bones?”

Daisy cringed, covering her ears and making gagging sounds “Who do you think I hang out with? Plus, most of the new recruits think you and Coulson are my parents, for some weird reason. You really think they will come to me with their fantasies?”

Melinda smiled even though she had tried to keep her face neutral. “Trip once told you how he dreamed about getting a blow job from me.”

Daisy opened and closed her mouth a few times.

“It’s okay. I know you punched him in the arm to protect my honor.” Melinda decided the re-decoration could wait until morning. She walked toward Daisy and wrapped her arm around the girl. “Come on, I’ll make you some tea before bed.”

“So, did Trip ever get that bj?”

Melinda smirked as they walked toward the kitchen.

“People really have dreams about banging Coulson around here?”

“You have no idea.”

Things only got worse once they were in the field. Melinda thought the Academy was a nest for gossip but the locker rooms of the Triskelion and The Hub were worse. There were always so many people going in and out, someone was always talking about something. May and Coulson were rookies, so they kept a low profile for a while, but not for long. May was being assigned into ops before Coulson was running his own, but that meant he was spending more time on site, talking to more people, making more connections, going out for drinks after work.

_Melinda walked into the locker rooms one morning, already aggravated by D.C traffic and having spilled tea on her suit, only to hear a group cackling in one of the corners. She stripped quickly but stopped when she heard Coulson’s name._

_“And then, he just pulled my hand on his crotch, right in the middle of the pub!”_

_“I never thought he would be so ballsy, he looks like such a nerd.”_

_Melinda couldn’t help but smirk. Coulson had game, even though she would get shot in the field first before admitting that to him._

_“Oh, trust me! He has the balls, and they were nice and heavy. And his head game! I couldn’t remember who I was for a few minutes after.”_

_Melinda slammed her locker shut. “You know, if your girlfriends are so parched for erotica, there’s a few novels I can suggest.”_

_The group stopped talking and turned to look at her. Melinda didn’t know who they were, but she assumed they were all higher ups in Communications since they all seemed chummy._

_“Can I help you?”_

_Melinda turned to the ringleader, blonde and dressed in a pencil skirt with a slit on the left thigh. “You can help me by not talking about my best friend as a sexual exploit. It’s rude. What you two did in private shouldn’t be re-told as cheap gossip. Plus, you can get him in trouble.”_

_The girl stood up, smoothing down her skirt. “You’re going to regret speaking to me like that.”_

_Melinda rolled her eyes and left._

_She all but forgot the whole thing until Maria caught up with her during lunch._

_“Why did one of the senior analysts storm into my office today and demand disciplinary action against you because you don’t know how to speak to your superiors?”_

_Melinda blinked slowly at her a couple of times until she connected the dots and then smirked. “Because I asked her not to talk about Coulson’s head game in the locker rooms this morning.”_

_Maria spit out the piece of sandwich she had stuffed in her mouth. “If you…ever… say those words to me again I’m demoting you!”_

_Melinda laughed. “Not my fault you don’t train your agents not to kiss and tell.”_

_“Technically fraternization between agents, especially between superiors and subordinates, is not allowed. So, Shirley risks getting fired if she keeps pressing me about it.”_

_Melinda only shrugged and finished her wrap._

That rule had saved her from getting reprehended multiple other times. It wasn’t like Coulson just stopped hooking up. The higher up the ranks he moved the more girls hit on him. He was blissfully ignorant that his skills in bed were beyond average and Melinda had had no intention to stroke his ego more by informing him. But that meant she had to shut down even more locker-room gossip.

It only escalated on one occasion, when a Specialist from Operations had taken pictures of him sleeping after they were done. She was gleefully showing everyone willing to see. Melinda asked her to delete them, twice. She did ask nicely. The other Specialist had only raised her eyebrow so Melinda had done the only thing she could. She grabbed the phone and smashed it on the floor. She was suspended for a week. Maria had realized what it was about but couldn’t intervene and Melinda couldn’t say the truth without getting Coulson in trouble. He had been furious.

_“This is the most ridiculous thing they have ever done. They suspend you and pull you from a mission we sent months planning!” He paced back and forth on the edge of the reflecting pool of the Lincoln Memorial._

_Melinda wanted to push him in. She just rolled her eyes and watched the sun set while eating her ice cream._

_“Why are you so cool about this?”_

_“Because it was worth it.”_

_“That doesn’t sound like you.”_

_Melinda shrugged._

_“I’m going to talk to Fury tomorrow. He—”_

_“It was because of you! You dumbass!”_

_Coulson stopped pacing and turned to stare at her._

_Melinda rolled her eyes. “The chick from Operations you slept with a couple of weeks ago. She took pictures of you sleeping after you fucked! She was showing everyone in the locker room. I couldn’t let her get away with that.”_

_“You… you got yourself in trouble for me?”_

_“Don’t let it get to your head. And pick better fuck buddies in the future.”_

_Coulson grinned. “Told you I had game.”_

_Melinda kicked him in the pool and started walking away._

“What did you do to the new recruits?” Coulson asked as he stood next to her, watching her watch the training in the hangar.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Melinda didn’t need to turn to know he was smirking.

“Because I said hello to a few earlier and they just mumbled ‘Hi, Sir’ and almost ran down the hallway.”

Melinda smirked.

“Did you catch them talking about something inappropriate and threatened to put them on latrine duty again?”

Melinda gave up on observing training and turned to face Coulson. “Like the time you caught those senior agents talking about how to hit it right in the supply room while doing inventory?” Melinda crossed her arms over her chest.

Coulson blushed. “They were being absolutely inappropriate, talking about girls they had meet at the dive bar in the next town over!”

Melinda cocked her head to the right.

“And come on, you know that anyone who knows how to fuck doesn’t…” Coulson looked around before moving closer and whispering. “Doesn’t actually say they tore that pussy up! That just sounds horrible.”

Melinda laughed. Mack turned to stare.

“Well, that came to bite you in the ass because those agents went all over the base to talk about how good you must have been in bed in your time.”

“My time? What is that supposed to mean?”

Melinda glared at him. “Remember all the locker room talk I had to shut down?”

“I meant; I am still in my prime.”

Melinda nodded toward the three recruits she had busted. “I’m sure those three think that. Apparently, your dick print is pretty impressive and you’re good at fucking people against walls.” She turned to watch Coulson’s face.

He still turned into a dork when he blushed. He rubbed the back of his neck and stuffed his hands in his pant pockets, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “That still happens now and then, huh?”

Melinda raised her eyebrow at him. “Now and then?”

“No wonder Daisy stormed into my office after I busted those guys, complaining everyone kept asking her if she wanted to take part in the pool.”

“What pool?”

Coulson chuckled. “The one speculating how big my dick was, and if I was good in bed.”

“Damn, I would have definitely won that.”

This time, Coulson laughed so hard the whole hangar turned to stare at them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson could always tell when May was tense, and he could almost always tell why she was so tense. It was a gift and a curse at the same time and he often hated himself for being so in tune with his best friend and partner in the field.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Philindashipperalltheway
> 
> I hope this makes your day a little better <3

Coulson could always tell when May was tense, and he could almost always tell why she was so tense. It was a gift and a curse at the same time and he often hated himself for being so in tune with his best friend and partner in the field.

May’s reasons for being tense varied from training recruits who complained she went too hard on them to Skye pulling another prank in one of the kitchens of the Playground and leaving a mess behind. Then there was a different kind of tense, but there was already another word to define that. The worst May was a sexually frustrated May.

He had first noticed it while they were in the Academy. Everyone was stressed during finals season, but he had noticed May was restless, easily irritable. Coulson tried to distract her, even worked out with her to help her burn the negative energy.

_They ended up on the padded floor of the gym at midnight, May on top of him, grinding on his accidental erection. Coulson groaned and wanted to flip them, hold her down and taste the sweat running down her neck. But May jumped to her feet in the next second, smoothing down her tank top._

_“Sorry,” she said, holding out her hand to help him up. “I get kinda frustrated when I’m stressed. Didn’t mean to creep you out.”_

_Coulson smirked, trying to adjust himself as he stood up, so his erection wasn’t just pointing at her like a creep. “No need to feel awkward, we are all stressed because of these damn exams.”_

_He stood there watching May walk away, biting his lip._

_She wasn’t as tense a few days later. Coulson had seen a guy from Operations sneak out of her room at 4:45am when he was coming with her green tea, hoping to give her something warm to start the day with. The dude had stared Coulson down, who had only smirked and continued until he reached May’s room. She rolled her eyes when she opened the door and saw him smirking._

_A few days later the dude, Coulson hadn’t even tried to learn his name, was in one of the gardens between classes running his mouth about May. Coulson was sitting across from him, reading one of his comics. He asked him to cut it out twice. The third time Coulson got on his feet, walked over, and punched him in the face._

_May kissed his cheek when she saw the guy with a black eye a few days later._

Coulson laughed to himself as he polished Lola in the hangar. It all seemed so far away now, like a completely different life. They had done so many stupid and risky things while in the field. Having been young, in their prime, and traveling so much had led to a fair share of escapades, some more enjoyable than others. Coulson had lost count of all the times he went to pick May up in Lola after a date gone wrong. Unfortunately, May decided if the date had gone wrong after she slept with her random civilian of the night, so he usually ended up with a still horny May in the front seat of his car. He still remembered that worst date she had gone on, which had worked out in his favor.

_May got into Lola with a huff. She wiggled in the seat and yanked down her short dress. Coulson allowed himself to stare at her toned legs for a moment too long. He looked up at her smirking._

_“Shut up and drive,” she said, sighing._

_Coulson laughed as he left the parking spot. “So, what did this one do wrong?”_

_“He couldn’t fuck.”_

_Coulson coughed in an attempt to cover up his laugh. He knew May was glaring at him. He pretended to focus on the road._

_May squirmed in her seat. He couldn’t help himself._

_“So when you say ‘couldn’t fuck’…” Coulson turned to look at her since they were at a red light._

_Her skin was still flushed, her soft hair a little messy in the back. She did look like she had tumbled between the sheets. Coulson startled when the car behind them honked twice._

_May laughed. “I mean he could barely find the hole, let alone do anything with it.”_

_This time Coulson really did choke on his own laugh. May shoved him lightly._

_“His dick just kept slipping out and he thought he was doing such a great job with his half-assed thrusts and then all of a sudden he comes and I’m laying there still worked up.”_

_Coulson bit his lip as he turned down a side street that wasn’t as well lit. “So, you still worked up?”_

_May grunted._

_He chuckled and pushed a button on his dashboard. “Relax,” he said when May gasped as the seat leaned back. “Do me a favor and don’t read too much into this.”_

_Coulson’s hand wandered to her left thigh, feeling the heated skin even though the night was chilly. He pushed the slinky material of May’s dress further up and then slid his hand toward the inside of her thigh. They both moaned when the tips of his fingers felt heat and wetness. May squirmed, pushing her pelvis up._

_“Gonna need you to keep that seatbelt on.”_

_“Why? You think you’ll get distracted and crash Lola?”_

_Coulson groaned. “You are very distracting.” He went into an open parking spot, pulled the top up, and turned to give May all his attention._

_She was biting her lip, her right hand running through her hair. Coulson ran his fingers up and down her folds gently before cupping her. Everything was covered by her dress, but he could feel her heat, smell her arousal. The little sounds she was making helped get his cock fully hard within seconds._

_“See, I can find the hole,” he said, slipping one and then another finger inside of her._

_May moaned so loud he had to shush her. She groaned, gripping his wrist and hissing but not slowing him down. Coulson laughed as he pumped his fingers in and out quickly, curling every time he dragged them out. May squirmed in his seat and for a second he cringed at the thought of body fluids on Lola’s leather. But then May sank her nails in his arm as he fucked her with his fingers and all Coulson could think was to bring her the release she had been chasing all night. When she came, he had to cover her mouth with his other hand. He was so close he could have kissed her but instead Coulson pulled his fingers away and licked them clean._

_“Please, don’t,” he said when May’s hands wondered to his bulge._

_She nodded and he drove her home in silence. They pretended it never happened when they met up after a week for another mission._

Coulson frowned as he thought about how he had not picked up on her affair with Ward. She must not have been worked up when she started it, or maybe they had been apart from each other for so long he was not in tune with her anymore when he dragged her back on the Bus. Coulson tried not to wonder what her time with Ward was like. He really did. He tried to be decent guy and allow May her secrets but sometimes he couldn’t help it. Thinking of them together made his blood boil. Not because May had chosen to sleep with him, but because Ward had betrayed that trust.

_“I tried to fix him,” Melinda said as they drank their Haig._

_It was one of the first few nights after they had moved into the Playground and Ward still resided in their basement._

_“Fix him how?” Coulson didn’t want to push but Melinda wouldn’t initiate a conversation if she wasn’t willing to talk._

_She gulped the rest of the drink down. “Specialist to Specialist. You said it once, we are cut from the same cloth.”_

_“May, I didn’t…”_

_Melinda shook her head. “You were right. We were trained to analyze and eliminate. Everything is a threat and a variable. They teach us to keep that thinking contained to our field of work, but no one leaves work behind, not us at least.”_

_Coulson grimaced as he refilled their glasses._

_“I thought I could soften the edges. And after that Bezerker…well I thought I could help him work through some of his anger. I didn’t know he was using me.”_

_“I think he actually cared about you.”_

_Melinda’s eyes snapped up. She frowned._

_“You’re the only person who saw deeper into him than anyone else. He probably was terrified and turned on at the same time.”_

_Melinda snorted. “I didn’t see deep enough, or I’d have ended it then.”_

_Coulson touched his glass to hers. “Maybe he would come clean. Changed his way.”_

_Melinda raised her eyebrow. “I’m not that good.”_

_They had both laughed as they finished the bottle into the night._

“You keep polishing that spot, Lola’s paint is going to fade,” Melinda said.

Coulson’s hand stopped as his head snapped up. He smiled. “I got distracted.”

“Thinking about how sexy Lola is?” Melinda crossed her arms over her chest.

“Thinking about how horny you were when you were younger.” Coulson smirked.

Melinda’s eyes widened a bit as her head snapped left and right, making sure no one was in their corner of the hangar. “What’s gotten into you?”

Coulson cleaned his hands and walked over to her, pulling her closer by the waist. “I was thinking about that time I fingered you in Lola, after I picked you up from that date.”

Melinda groaned. “Worst date ever.”

Coulson licked her throat. “I made it a little better.”

Melinda hummed. “I dreamed about sucking your dick for months after that.”

“I dreamed about fucking you for months after.” Coulson leaned his forehead against hers.

“If someone sees the Director and his first Commander making out in the garage like teenagers, we will never hear the end of it.”

“Maybe they’ll start another pool.”

Melinda laughed as she pulled him into a darker corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, I wrote this together with Chapter 1 but I realized that May's part didn't really fit the "protective behavior" square so I separated the fic into two chapters.
> 
> Now that I finished my bingo card I can finally post Chapter 2.
> 
> I hope you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> This story partially exists thanks to meanderingsoul. They mentioned during one of our chats how Melinda must have spent her time in the field shutting down gossip about Phil Coulson's performance in bed and I couldn't resist but writing this!


End file.
